Miscellaneous Insults
Warning: Use with caution. Some people are sensitive (wimpy), or hypersensitive (really wimpy), and have a self-esteem (soft skin), and break down easily (weak).
Don't attack people that can't, or don't know how to defend themselves, that is being a coward.
These are meant for self defense or for personal amusement only.
Table of Contents
Names in general
battle axe
bottom feeder
Brown noser
brute
buffoon
butterball
candy ass
cheese puff
cheeze doodle
cheeze puff
dead duck
dildo
dingleberry
dirty double dealing no good low down skunk
dolt
douchebag
dumbass
fuckass
fuckface
fuckhead
fuckhole
fuckwad
halfwit
hethen
hopeless cause
hoser
ignoramise
jackass
lilliputian
lout
marble mouth
mumbles
nancy boy
nincompoop
old fuddy-duddy
pecker
piece of fucking shit
piece of scum
pond scum
porker
porky
poser
primitive neanderthal
retardus maximus
runt
sally
scoundrel
scrotum
scum slinger
scum sucker
shithead
shithole
shitwad
silly goose
smart ass
snatch
sour pickle
spineless wimp
stupidus maximus
testicles
thorn in my side
tub'a cum
tub'a lard
turdling
twerp
varmint
vermon
Adjectives
atrocious
belley crawlin
brainless
brutish
bushwackin
chicken-livered
fucking
good for nothin
gutless
hideous
loony
loopy
loutish
low down
malevolent
prehistoric
snake-eyed
snivelin
unintelligent
vile
witless
yellow-bellied
Acne
You have so many pimples blind people try to read your face.
Arrogant, smartass
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
So what side of your family did you inherit the asshole gene?
Wow you’re really going for the asshole award aren’t ya?
if i want any shit from you i'll sqeeze your head
Why don’t you pucker your lips, it would look more fitting for all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
I’m starting to think you have two assholes cause there is a lot of shit that comes out of that opening in your face.
So Dirty
makes mud look clean
Ears
Hey Dumbo
Picking up any signals?
So Fat
as many chins as a Chinese phone book
big as a house
fat as a cow
fat as a pig
Got more chins than a Chinese phone book
her belt size is Equator.
her fave food is seconds.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
if you went to the top of the Empire State building planes would start to attack you.
left the house with heels on and came home with flats on.
massively obese and excessively voracious
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
people exercise by jogging around her!
she could be the eighth continent.
she deep fries her toothpaste.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
She has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
she has more rolls than Pillsbury doughboy
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she shows up on radar.
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
she wears an asteroid belt.
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
She's so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her
small objects orbit her.
So fat he’ d have to send out a search party to find his dick
So fat it takes two dogs to bark at her
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
that "all you can eat night" at the buffet still ain't enough.
that cars don't have enough gas to drive around you.
that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
that the last time you sat on someone's lap they had to look for him in the crack of your ass.
that when her cell phone rings people think she's backing up.
that when you climb on top of him your ears pop.
that when you lay on the beach the people feel sorry for you and try to roll you back into the water.
that you have your own postal code.
that you have your very own Post Code
that you masturbate when looking at cookbooks
that you should have a sign on your back that says "caution wide load"
that you'd have to use the planets as pool balls
that your bikini has to be made out of two king-size bed sheets
that you're belly button makes an echo.
the circus use her as a trampoline
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.
Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.
Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.
Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry
You cousin so fat she's on Both sides of the family.
You must use the highway for a slip and slide
You'd make a good speed bump
your bathtub has stretch marks.
Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad
Glasses
Four eyes
So Hairy
you have pigtails under your arms
that when people bend down to pet your cat they find out it's the hair on your legs.
Inhuman
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Are your parents siblings?
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside
I hear you were born on a farm. Hope there aren't any more in the litter
I thought of you all day today - when I was at the zoo
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't
His family tree looks like a totem pole
Their family tree don't branch
So Old
that when you went to school they didn't teach history.
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she went to school...there was No history class!
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
he's got Adam and Eve's autograph
we found cave drawings of her.
you fart out Mummy dust
she uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer.
she's got ROman Numerals on her birth certificate
She claims she's middle-aged, but she's been around since Jesus was a baby
Pimples
Pizza Face
So Poor
when I rang her doorbell, she said 'Ding-Dong'
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a cigarette butt and she shouted - "hey, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
You're so poor even Beggars give you money.
You family so poor you's live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.
Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the 'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya!
Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - "Who turned out the lights?"
Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I ask what they're for and she says: "Use one to hold up the ceiling...use the other to fight off the cockroaches..."
washes the paper plates.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she yelled - "Don't use the good china"
So broke that if it took a quarter to leave town, you couldn't cross the street
So poor if it took a nickel to get around the world I couldn’t get out of sight
So poor they’ d skin a flea for its hide and tallow
So poor we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’ s fingers
Sex Life
Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers, you'd have no sex life at all.
You couldn't get a date with a bag of dirt.
You couldn't get a date with a sack of shit.
You couldn't get laid in a fat lady whore house with a bag of twinkies.
You couldn't get laid in a monkey whore house with a bag of bananas.
You get rejected so much even your yo-yo doesn't come back.
You would get rejected by apple pie.
So Short
poses for trophies!
can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
can do backflips under the bed.
everything smells different to midget on a crowded elevator
so when u were a kid did your mom have to get you two booster seats
so short, she uses a condom for a sleeping bag
How's the weather down there?
can u tie my shoe, i mean... since you are already down there?
your so short you could hand glide on a dorito
So short he could sit on the floor and dangle his feet
So short he’ d play handball off the curb
i'll have to watch where I step when I'm around you
Skinny
so skinny you wouldn't cast a shadow
She's so skinny, she look's like a gut with the shit slug out of it.
He's so skinny, he's only got one stripe on his pajamas.
Annorexic
Skinny
Twig
Toothpick
So skinny he can stand under a clothes line in a rainstorm and never get wet
So skinny they had to turn around twice to throw a shadow
So thin he has to stand twice in the same place just to make a good shadow
So thin, if she turned sideways holding a glass of tomato juice, she’ d look like a thermometer
She's so skinny fucking her would be like fucking a bag full of elbows and antlers
Slutty, Whorish
she has more pricks than a second hand dartboard
she's had more meat through her than an abbatoir
she's had more meat through her than a butcher shop
her cherry has been pushed back so far, she could use it as a tail light
youd nail a rock if you thought there was a snake under it
She's so horny when you're fingering her it feels like a horse eating an apple
Stupid
A burger short of a combo meal
A cup and a saucer short of a place setting
A few bales short of a wagon load
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few bits short of a byte
A few boats short of a fleet
A few boxes short of a pallet
A few Bradys short of a bunch
A few bricks short of a full load
A few bristles short of a broom
A few burgers short of a barbecue
A few cards short of a deck
A few clowns short of a circus
A few colors short of a rainbow
A few cracker jacks short of a full box
a few crumbs short of a biscuit
a few french fries short of a happy meal
a few fries short of a happy meal
A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl
A few fuses short of a full circuit
A few grams short of a pound
A few gunmen short of a posse
A few keys short of a keyboard
A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms
A few needles short of a sewing kit
A few noodles short of a chow mein
a few pancakes short of a stack
A few peas short of a casserole
A few pecans short of a fruitcake
A few players short of a team
A few roos loose in the top paddock
a few sandwiches short of a picnic
A few screws short of a hardware store
A few shades beyond blonde
A few sheep short of a flock
A few snags short of a barbie
A few springs short of a watch
A few tacos short of a fiesta platter
A few threads short of a sweater
A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza
A few watts short of a light bulb
A few yards short of a touchdown
A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said)
A poster child for birth control
A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding
A tire short of an eighteen wheeler
About as sharp as a bowling ball
About as sharp as a marble
All booster, no payload
All foam no beer
All telephone, no receiver
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
Another brain would be lonely
Any slower and he'd need to be watered once a week
As bright as a lamp in Aladdin's cave
As fruity as a bag of Skittles
As sharp as a pound of wet liver
As smart as a stick
As smart as bait
Batteries not included
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people
Chimney's clogged
Couldn't find their way out of a paper bag
couldn't find your ass with both hands, even if your fingers were flashlights
couldn't find your way out of a wet paper sack
Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn't have all the chairs at the table
doesn't have enough brains to give himself a headache
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt
Donated his brain to science before he was done with it
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Driveway doesn't quite reach the road
Dumb as a bag of hammers
Dumb as a box of rocks
Dumb as a cabbage
dumb as a coal bucket
Dumb as a donkey
Dumb as a doorknob
dumb as a doornail
Dumb as a fence post
Dumb as a fencepost
Dumb as a fox
Dumb as a log
Dumb as a mule looking for a new gate
dumb as a post
Dumb as a post
Dumb as a salt shaker
Dumb as a stump
Dumb as bricks
Dumb as hell
dumber than a bag of hammers
Dumber than a barrel of spit and half as useful
Dumber than a box of hair
Dumber than a box of rocks
Dumber than a coal bucket
Dumber than a leaf of lettuce
Dumber than a potato, so we called him Spud
Dumber than a sled track
Dumber than a wedding invitation
dumber than dirt
Dumber than dog shit
Dumber than homemade dirt
Dumber than paint
Eats soup with a fork
Even a broken clock is right twice a day
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Four aces short of a deck
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds
Half a bubble off plumb
Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy that holds them all together
Has a leak in the skylight
Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states
Has an IQ lower than plant life
Has an IQ of room temperature
Has some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps
Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord
Has to take turns for the family brain-cell
Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff
He has a few loose screws
He has rocks in his head
He is living proof that man can survive without a brain!
He is the perfect blueprint for building an idiot
Here comes twiddle dee and twiddle dum
He's a few fries short of a happy meal
He's dumb as a stump
He's dumber than two sacks of hair
he's not playing with a full deck
He's not the sharpest knife in the cabinet
He's so stupid his parents should have hit him in the head with a hammer and raised a pig on the milk
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands
His belt doesn't go through all the loops
his elevator doesn't reach the top floor
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
I ain't sharpest crayon in the box.
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I would ask how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
If brains was gunpowder, he couldn't blow his nose
if his brain was made of electricity, he'd be a walking blackout (not smart)
If his brains were lard, they couldn't grease up a good size skillet
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If she was any dumber, we’ d have to water her
If their nose was on upside down they'd drown in the rain.
If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change.
If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid
If you keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.
If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
in a battle of wits, he'd be completely unarmed (not bright)
Knitting with only one needle.
Lost contact with the mothership.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
More numb than a frozen mukluk.
Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled.
Nice house, not much furniture.
No grain in the silo.
Not all the soldiers are marching in line.
Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache
Not exactly running on all thrusters.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Not the brightest bulb in the Chandalier.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
Not the brightest crayon in the box.
Not the brightest light in the harbor.
Not the fastest ship in the fleet.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
Not the quickest horse in the stable.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not the sharpest pitchfork in the barn.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
One board member short of a quorum.
One brick short of a load
One bubble short of plum
One french fry short of a happy meal
One IQ point above brain death.
One sandwich short of a picnic
One ski short of a snowmobile.
One twist short of a slinky.
Only has half a cord in the woodshed.
Only has one oar in the water.
Playing hockey with a warped puck.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Running on 3 cylinders.
Sharp as a sack of wet mice.
She's not working with a full deck
Shipped but not delivered.
Smart as a bag of rocks.
so stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him until the bell rang
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Sure, you're not stupid, you're just possessed by a stupid ghost.
Ten cents short of a dollar.
That boy ain't the smartest peanut in the turd.
that boy is sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball
That boy is shy a few cards of a full deck
That fellers so dumb, he don't know sheep shit from cotton seed!
The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
The battery is not fully charged.
The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water.
The boy would have to get smarter’ just to be stupid
The cheese slid off the cracker.
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
The elevator goes to the top but the doors don't open.
The engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel.
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed.
The light was on, but nobody was home
the lights are on but no one is home (not smart)
The light's on but no one's home.
The logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged.
The relative IQ of a deck chair.
The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.
The rungs on his ladder don't go all the way to the top.
The umbrella is up but there's no rain.
The wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off (or is dead).
The wind is blowing but nothing is moving.
They are depriving some village of its idiot.
They have an IQ lower than their shoe size.
They have yet to make a vaccine against stupidity.
Three ice bricks shy of an igloo.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Two bits short of a dollar
Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains.
way to go Einstein!
When God handed out brains you must have been out to lunch
When they were passing out brains, he was out plowing the south 40
When they were passing out brains, he/she hid behind the door
When they were passing out brains, he/she thought they said pains and didn't take any
When they were passing the brains out, he thought they said TRAINS
Would argue with a signpost.
Would lose a debate with a doorknob.
wouldn't know if his ass was on fire
Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback.
You don't know diddly squat
You got your stupid meter cranked all the way up to full blast
you make a fantastic idiot
you make a great dumbass
you make an excellent fucktard
You shouldn't be huntin' anything smarter than you. Try huntin' worms.
you're as far from being intelligent as Earth is from Pluto.
Threats
I'm gonna clean your clock
You are going to be pushing up daisies
I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass my laces are going to fly out your nose
your ass is grass
I'll hit you so hard on the top of your head that you'll hum like a ten penny nail hit with a greasy ball peen hammer
I'm gonna hit you on your head so hard your gonna hum like a tin penny
i could drop you like a bag of dirt
did you ever try saki? Then show em your fist.
Beat you like a red-headed step child
I'll be all over you like a cheap suit
I'll be on you like a hobo on a ham sandwich
I'll be on you like a swarm of bees
I'm going to beat you like a rented mule!
I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail
I'm going to kick you six ways from Sunday
I'm going to stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry
I am going to slap you to the back side of nowhere
Teeth
Her teeth are so bad, she could eat an apple through a picket fence.
She could eat an apple through a tennis racquet
He/she's got summer teeth, some are there, some are not
a smile like a mouth full of broken glass
Horse teeth (big teeth)
Oh, one of your teeth didn't come in (gap in teeth)
no way those are your teeth, they have to be asphalt rocks
teeth are so black , it look likes tar pits start from you mouth when you spit
teeth are so black, it looks like he has been chewing on tar
teeth are so yellow, crows fly down and pick at them like it was corn.
teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
teeth are so yellow, she looks like a cheeseburger.
teeth are so yellow, she looks like she got a job taste testing butter scotch.
teeth are so yellow, she looks like she's got a Twinkie in her mouth
teeth are so yellow, she spits butter.
teeth are so yellow, she's got more gold than Fort Knox.
teeth are so yellow, when God said "Let there be light", he told her to smile.
teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her eyes light up.
teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade.
teeth are so yellow, when she smiled, Dorothy made it to OZ.
teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack
teeth are so yellow, when she walked into a church, everybody said "I see the light!"
teeth are so yellow, you'd think she's been blowin' the Simpsons.
When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal.
Yo mama's gold tooth is so fake, her whole mouth turned green.
Yo mama's got one tooth in front and one in the back talkin' `bout "Give me a bite."
Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth. Yo mama's got shark teeth.
Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.
Yo mama's got summer teeth... summer in her mouth and summer in her pocket.
Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
Yo mama's got two gold teeth, one says 24k and the other says "Believe that shit if you want to."
Yo mama's missing so many teeth, you can play checkers on her mouth.
Yo mama's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.
Yo mama's so toothless, when she couldn't eat an apple, she just gummed it to death.
Yo mama's teeth are so big and gapped, I could run hurdles with them.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, her dentist charges her by the tooth.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, I thought they were piano keys.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, it looks like her mom had an affair with Mr. Ed.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, when she sneezed she bit a hole in her chest.
Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she has to suck my dick sideways.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she needs a map to find her tongue.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she uses them to cut chain at the hardware store.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles her mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles it looks like her tongue is in jail.
Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, bitch has to floss with a garden hose.
Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, her front tooth says "Next tooth one mile."
Yo mama's teeth are so nasty, they make Yuck Mouth afraid of the cavity creeps.
Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
Yo mama's teeth are so ugly, she got pulled over for not having dental insurance.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, crows fly down and pick at them like it was corn.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like a cheeseburger.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she got a job taste testing butter scotch.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she's got a Twinkie in her mouth.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she spits butter.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she's got more gold than Fort Knox.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when God said "Let there be light", he told her to smile.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her eyes light up.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiled, Dorothy made it to OZ.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she walked into a church, everybody said "I see the light!"
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, you'd think she's been blowin' the Simpsons.
you spread butter on bread, not your teeth
your teeth remind me of toast.start out white,end up black and smelly
That girl looks like she could eat an apple through a picket fence
That girl looks like she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence
Ugly
face like a smashed crab
face like a bashed in shit can
a face that only a mother could love
seen better legs on a table (fat, or ugly legs)
what will you do for a face when the monkey wants his ass back?
she/he could scare buzzards off of a meat wagon (ugly)
if i had a dog that looked like him, i'd shave its ass and make it walk backwards
she/he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
That would scare the chrome off a bumper
Ugly as a mud fence
I can lose weight but ugly is to the bone
who hit you with an ugly stick?
Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
The only thing wrong with your face is that it shows.
You've got a face like a saint - a Saint Bernard that is.
On Halloween, all the kids dress up to look like you.
you got a head on you like a half-chewed mango.
I've seen better heads on a glass of beer
She can't help being ugly but she could have stayed home
You look as you've been dragged through a hedge backwards
You look like ten pounds of smashed assholes packed into a 5 pound bag.
My sister's soooo ugly, my mom had to be drunk to brestfeed her!
She's so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot
That boy is so ugly he couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds.
Hit by an ugly stick
Ugly as a mud fence
Ugly as sin
your uglier than a burning up donkey in the middle of winter
I know you cain't help bein ugly...but you could at least stayed home.
She was so ugly, she could have trick or treated over the telephone.
Uglier than a cow's ass sewed up with a scupplin' vine
Seen better heads hanging over a piss trough
Q: What are you looking at? A: I can't get over how ugly you are
uglier than 1000 toads on a mud fence
Uglier than a homemade baby
Uglier than a sack of smashed assholes
Uglier than three pounds of shit in a two-pound sack
Ugly as a hat full of assholes
Ugly as a mud covered fence with a crow on each end
ugly as a mud fence
Ugly as homemade sin
ugly as sin
Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
He ran through the ugly forest and hit all the trees
hit with an ugly stick
She can’ t help being ugly but she could have stayed home
she's been hit with an ugly stick
You look like refried shit
You look like you been drawn through a knot-hole backwards
She's got a face like a blind cobbler’ s thumb
She's got a face that could scare the skin off a snake
So Ugly
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
you put the Boogie man outta business.
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
that when you were born the doctor slapped your mom.
that before a mugger would rob you he'd give you his mask and make you wear it.
your face could stop a sundial.
that when you go to the park, people follow you around with their pooper scooper.
you have a face like a boiled boot and a tongue long enough to lace it up.
you look like you came second in a hatchet fight.
your mom used to feed you with a slingshot.
if you stick your head out the window you get arrested for mooning.
they use you in prisons to cure sex offenders.
they have to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you
you have put two bags over her head in case one broke
Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs sh*t themselves.
Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics
Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.
Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.
You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!
Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
You so Ugly your Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
She's so ugly, she could scare the maggots off a gut wagon
She's so ugly, when she was a baby, her momma had to feed her with a slingshot
He's so ugly. When he was a baby, his mom carried him upside down for a year thinking he only had one eye
he's so ugly, he'd have to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink
She is so ugly I wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick
So ugly looks like it’ s been chasing farts through a bag of nails
So ugly she could cook naked at deer camp and nobody would notice
you so ugly get rejected by a blow up doll
He was so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dogs to play with him
If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backward
A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
a face only a mother could love
double bagger put 2 bags on her head in case the first falls off
Unpopular
popular as a mangy dog
as popular as a turd in a lunch box
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Weak, Wimpy
couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag (not very smart)
He's so weak, he couldn't pull a sick whore off a douche pot
YouTube Insults
Although Taylor Davis is quite talented. You are a cunt and The internet would like you to kindly enter your bathroom, and hang yourself by the neck until the moment of death takes you.?
you fucking broscience youtube keyboard warrior pussy bitch
You're a fucking asshole boogernugget twerp. I hope you die a miserable death burning in a fire and rot in eternal hell, motherfucker!
To Sort
Are you listening - get your head out of the clouds
as welcome as a fart in a phone booth
as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
as welcome as a van load of Jehovah's Witnesses
Boy, when you got nuthin' to say, you say it.
Comebacks for short people - The bigger they are the harder they fall.
dirty, rotton, no good, two-timin, filthy animal
Ears that look like a taxi cab with both doors open
Gonna whup you like a redheaded step child
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
Her behind looks like a couple of squirrels fightin' over an acorn in a gunny sack.
Her cooking is so bad, I'd rather had a cold scab sandwich and a glass of snot.
Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!
Her mouth is going like a bell clappin out of a goose's ass.
Her pants are so tight her butt looks like two pigeons trying to fight their way out of a toe sack.
His daddy must have also been his granddaddy
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I wouldn't fuck her with a borrowed dick
If she had one more freckle she would have to carry it in the palm of her hand
If she would screw her head back on straight she might not have to walk sideways
if someone flicks you off say, "that's probably the size of your dick" or something similar
if someone's going to act like a complete son of a bitch and treat me like the absolute scum of the earth
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
i'm not going to twist your arm but i might give you an indian rug burn
It's autumn in her mouth and all her tongue can do is rustle!
Look what the dogs have dragged in and cats won't eat
On him like flies on shit
personality of a bear trap
personality of a brick
personality of a dish rag
personality of a pit viper
personality of a porcupine
personality of a rattlesnake
personality of a rottweiler with a toothache
personality of a small-town short order
personality of a wet sponge
She had a voice that would chip paint
She looks like a unmade bed
She looks like death eating a cracker
She's got two brains – one’ s missing and the other’ s out looking for it
She's so stuck up, she’ d drown in a rainstorm
She'd bitch if her ice cream was cold
She'd fuck a snake if you'd hold its head
She's got an ass like a ford 9".
she's not the brightest bulb on the patio
She's put so many miles on that pussy that it's just hanging open like a pea-coat sleeve.
So country he still has cordwood on his breath
stick your wanger in a meat grinder
That boy's momma shoulda hit him in the head and sold the milk!
That girl could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
That girl is like a doornob...everyone gets a turn.
The last time I saw a mouth that big it had a hook in it.
The most do-less man I ever seen
Yer mouth runs like a boarding house toilet.
You are full of piss and vinegar
Your name is mud
you're dead meat
You're dirtier than the Mississippi and twice as crooked.
You're nothing but a snake in the grass
You're so blind you would miss a crawdad playin' cards with Ray Charles.
Save the rest to grease your cock ‘ case a pig comes by you want to screw.
Did you receive on site training to be an asshole or was that from prior experience?
eat my shorts
Go fly a kite
Kiss my grits
make like a tree and leave
pipe down
relax and be fucked
shove off
stow it
suck a fart
suck beans
suck cucumbers
suck potatoes
take a hike
Take a long walk off a short pier
Can it
clam up
shut your pie hole
shut your trap
pull your lip over your head and swallow (shut up)
why don't you do the world a favor and pull your lip over your head and swallow?
Put a sock in it
stop blabbin your flapper
stop flappin your yapper
Zip your mouth shut
Zip your zipper